The Clier Path: Zion Archive
by Ophelia Davis
Summary: A humourous collection of omakes that correspond with The Clier Path; please read The Clier Path before reading these omakes as they contain spoilers. Also rated for strong language and possible yaoi situations, you have been warned. Not a sequel of The Clier Path, merely runs alongside it :D
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Read Chapter 5 of The Clier Path before reading this! Warning, this does contain strong language.

The white void surrounded them once more, but this time, two rustic red armchairs were positioned for them, both pointing towards the screen of the television before it. Stepping forward, Morpheus took his seat at the newer armchair, offering Edward to sit at the more scabbed and tattered chair next to him. His eyes widened to the sight of the box in front of him; a plastic box with a dark, reflective glass screen and encased in deep red wood. He hadn't seen anything like this before.

"What is that?" Edward crouched down to it in awe, looking into the dark screen.

'Oh, I almost forgot you were technologically uninformed. This is a Television or TV for short. It transports images from a camera to this box for people to view. So, you could be looking at the very jungles of Borneo while sitting in your chair and watching it from New York.'

"Oh, wow! I can see myself in it!" Edward glared into the dark screen, almost mesmerised by his own reflection. "Hello, Morpheus!" He giggled, waving at Morpheus's reflection.

'Yes, hello,' he sighed waving back. 'Now, if you'll please pay attention, we can begin with your education. Now, please, sit down.' Edward got up from in front of the TV, chuckling softly as he sat down in an armchair next to Morpheus.

"Oh, right, sorry."

'Now, let's begin.' He flicked the TV on via a remote. 'This is the world as you know it. As far as our data is concerned, it is the beginning of the 20th century, or more technically-. Edward! Sit back down in the armchair!'

"Hey, it's Central! But what the hell is it doing in a box?" He glared at the picture that appeared on the box, the great city scape with a large military HQ that stood at its centre with rows of houses, apartments and shopping squares surrounding the HQ in circular rows. "Hey, I think I can see the Colonel's apartment from here!" He grinned widely, pointing at the almost minute apartment not far from the HQ. "I bet all he owns is that one couch in his living room or something! It'll not be much anyway."

'Good, I'm glad, now, if you'll sit dow-.'

"HEY, COLONEL BASTARD! GET A BETTER JOB YOU FUCKING LAZY ASS PUSSY!" He screamed at the TV, cupping his hands with a wicked grin on his face. "Hey, do you think he heard me?" Edward asked, turning to look at him.

'Yes, he did! NOW FOR FUCK'S SAKE, _SIT DOWN_!'

Author's note: I came up with this one while writing the TV part of Chapter 5 (this was written in 2009, by the way), and I decided I just had to do this. It was very hard not to since Edward has never seen a TV before, so it seemed right to have a play around with that fact. This is an alternate reaction to Edward's first view of the TV; the original one in Chapter 5 was a lot more mature, but this one is a childish version.

Technically, this isn't a new story; rather it's a collection of omakes that I wrote for The Clier Path, hence why it's called Zion Archive (because in The Matrix concept, this would be a library of information in Zion, or at least, a library of what was available), so each omake will correspond with a chapter of The Clier Path, unless of course I write an omake inspired by the concept of the story (I have my limitations though, I can only write using as much of the concept that has been revealed. I couldn't reveal new things in here; otherwise it would spoil the actual story).

The reason I decided to do this was because, recently, it's been taking me ages to update The Clier Path, and since, so far, I have only written omakes as I've updated a chapter, it means that ideas I _do _come up with are forgotten through the course of writing the actual chapter (or in the time that I leave the chapter to contribute to life, as I have been doing recently through my A Levels, fingers crossed I get good grades!).

As a note, you should read the actual story before reading this one, but if you decide you want to read The Clier Path _after _reading these omakes, then I guess that's good too.

I hope you enjoyed that, and I shall update The Clier Path with Chapter 22 as soon as possible! Thank you for your patience!

Ophelia Davis


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Read Chapter 7 of The Clier Path before reading this!

Morpheus read aloud the suggestion on the sheet that had been thrust into his hand. 'It's good. Did you come up with this?'

"Mouse helped me out."

'Mouse did?' He sighed with a smile, 'You remind me of a cartoon that I once watched. I'm sure you two will be good friends.'

"Yeah," Edward smiled confidently, "Good friends."

That night, Edward sat on his bed, the light low and blinking in malevolence, Mouse was knelt down before him in servitude.

'S-So, Brainiac, what are we going to do tonight?' He quivered at the power that his master held, for he knew it was absolute. His master cackled lowly, its malice filled the room and shook Mouse to the core, but he held his ground. He had to.

"You have to ask, Mouse?" He took a deep breath, as if the very effect it created depended on his very success. "The same thing we do every night, Mouse." He declared loudly, "**Try to take over the Matrix**!"

Author's note: I think we've realised now that these chapters are going to be short. They used to be on the end of the chapters for The Clier Path, so they're short for that reason, but it's also because I don't want to waste a lot of time getting to the punch-line; humour is all about timing, as the comedic masters will tell you.

Anyway, I came up with this one after one of the suggestions that Mouse came up with and, given Mouse's name as well, it was another one I couldn't resist. Yes, these omakes are childish, but humour me, will you? I get a lot of joy out of coming up with these things, at least now there's a place to read them all.

And it seems the author's notes are going to end up being longer than the chapters, so I'll stop here.

Hope you enjoyed!

Ophelia Davis


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Please read Chapter 8 of The Clier Path before reading this! Warning, this does contain strong language!

Edward clambered back round from the other side of the tree among the branches, and breathed a sigh of relief as he resumed his seat. He peeked back into the window. He wasn't there.

_Right, this is now, or never. _

He clapped his hands and felt the thrill of alchemy that he'd missed in a month. He pressed his finger to the glass and it grew soft, allowing a finger indent as Edward pressed an auto mail finger into it. The glass was red hot; it glowed with each finger pressure.

_Backward letters or he can't read it…_

From beneath him, he heard the door click and the sound of footsteps treading through grass.

_Triple shit!_

-/\*_;)(-

Stepping into the living room, he shut the door and before him in red glowing letters a message was clear upon his window.

_ What the-? Dammit! I lost!_

-/\*_;)(-

'Hang on,' Morpheus studied the monitor, 'Is that window glowing?'

'I don't think it's just glowing, it looks like a message.' Tank confirmed.

'Hold on, that's… Goddammit Ed! You made me lose the Game!'

'I thought you didn't care about that sort of thing.' Tank sighed.

'Are you kidding me? It means everything!' Morpheus shouted angrily.

Suddenly, Agents alighted onto the scene on the monitor before them. A vein in Morpheus' head was throbbing so much that it was threatening to burst. 'You see? You see? This is why you should never lose the Game!'

As Edward jumped down from his branch in his escape, on the window, still glowing, the message was very clear, "The Game!"

Author's Note: This one I obviously wrote a while back, and I'm pretty sure it was while I was in Secondary school, English class really. I'm pretty sure many of you aren't a stranger to "The Game!", but for those who aren't, basically if you say "The Game!" then the person who hears it loses, because they've been reminded that they're playing it (of course, there's no need to remind you that "The Game!" is life; it's very reminiscent of The Matrix if you think about it). Obviously, for being Year 10/11, we weren't very mature at all; heck even for being 18 now I'm not as mature as I should be. There would always be a certain person to start it off, then it would branch off into Science (because I sat with this guy in both lessons), it was a never ending show of humour really, so I was too tempted to put it in here.

Hope you enjoyed!

Ophelia Davis


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Read Chapter 10 of The Clier Path before reading this! Warning, this does contain strong language!

Disclaimer: Because I haven't written one yet, the concepts of The Fullmetal Alchemist and The Matrix do not belong to me but instead to their respective creators. I guess I can lay claim to how these concepts are twisted together and the funny omakes that come about as a result, but otherwise, none of it is truly mine.

Climbing down the ladder, Neo stepped towards Trinity's room. He knocked on the door. He was sure she was there. Where else could she be?

'Trinity? Hello?'

'Come in!' A smooth voice lilted, the most fluctuation he'd heard in her voice since the stress of the machine's attack. He turned the knob and stepped inside. The low light illuminated across her pale flesh, dressed in tight lingerie. His cheeks burned brightly with a deep blush as his eyes followed every curve, every luscious bump and every faint muscle that were trapped beneath her skin.

'You like it?' Her voice sounded low, husky, and handsome. Her long, narrow body was now a wide shouldered assortment of thin flesh and muscle, the bra of the lingerie was tight around the low elastic but limp as it was bound around flat chest muscles. His eyes found a bulge in the pants of her black underwear; one he hoped never to find. He couldn't bear to find hairy strong legs, and looked to her face, hoping it had stayed the same. Instead he found a pale face, a strong jaw with light stubble along it and piercing narrow eyes, male and captivating.

'What are you waiting for?' The voice sounded, chuckling lowly.

Neo stared, almost horrified.

_Why him? Why...you?_

'Neo, are you alright?' Trinity had unseated herself from the bed and was stood before him, all soft and lovely and everything where it should be, and where he would now always hope to see it.

'Y-Yeah...' he sighed with relief, his arms pulled her close. 'Just fine.'

_You little bastard, putting that image in my head! I'll get you later!_

Author's Note: I came up with this one while writing Neo and Edward's conversation together, the one after Edward's confession. I knew that Roy can seem very narcissistic, and so it would seem like him to date someone who looks just like him (in this case, the woman in question would be Trinity; it was a guy though, Neo… possibly). But, if you were to put that in Neo's head, then this would be the result; it's mind-fuckery at its best, bested only by The Matrix itself. Remember when Neo said he would have this stuck in his head? He wasn't wrong!

There's another omake that featured in Chapter 10 of The Clier Path, but that will come up in the next chapter.

Hope you enjoyed!

Ophelia Davis

P.S. I should note that, unlike The Clier Path, this doesn't rely on you reviewing to get the next chapter, after all, I've already put up five chapters without a review yet! Really, this is an archive for all of my quirky ideas that aren't canon to the main story, but funny enough for here.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note: Please read Chapter 10 of The Clier Path before reading this! This omake also requires you to have read the previous chapters to understand the context of the humour, although I would hope that was a given anyway (that you don't just skip to the corresponding chapters without reading the chapters previous; if you did, then you wouldn't understand the story!).

Edward spooned some glop in his bowl, eating it. Morpheus stepped into the dining room where Edward was sat and, dispensing glop into a bowl of his own, handed it to Edward.

'Here.'

"I've already got some." Edward murmured, pushing it away.

'I know that; it's not for you.' Morpheus corrected, pushing it back in front of him.

"Hm?" Edward looked up at him, confused, the spoon dangling from his mouth.

'It's for Apoc. He'll be in the cock-pit.'

"And you can't take it because…?"

'I'm eating now, you're almost done.' Morpheus smiled as he dispensed himself a bowl of glop. 'Go on, I'll let you visit the Colonel when you're done.'

A small smile appeared on Edward's lips. "Well, I guess I'd better go and give it him then."

'I trust you know where it is.' Morpheus stated.

"Yeah, I know where it is." Edward answered, but muttered under his breath. "Of course I do, I had to clean up a fucking ton of glass in it the other day; fucking Nebuchadnezzar and its big fuck of a garbage chute. No one even there in case I fall in."

Edward moved and Morpheus took his original seat. Swallowing the rest of his meal, he dispensed it on the side and took the other bowl out. He climbed the ladder for the top deck and found the room through an open doorway. He knocked on the wall in the room and shivered as he caught the cold wind coming in through the open window frame, which was his fault entirely. Morpheus would never let him live it down, and he was doing a damn good job of making sure of it.

"Hello?" He called over the wind's roar.

'Ah!' Switch turned around in her rotating seat and smiled at Edward's presence. 'What brings your cute face down here?' She smiled.

"Morpheus told me to bring this for Apoc." Edward smiled nervously; there was one thing about Switch that made him feel almost at home on this ship, and that was that she reminded him so much of Hawkeye. Her little use of outside emotion and tough exterior, but also the appreciation you got when she would smile at you, no matter how small.

'So that's not for me?'

"Well, I didn't know you were here. I could bring you some if you-."

'No, it doesn't matter. I can get some later; I'm not hungry.' She turned to Apoc and nudged him gently. He shook himself out of his road focus and slowed down the ships speed to turn to her.

'Yeah?'

'Let me take over, Edward brought you something to eat.'

'Great!' He shifted out of the seat for Switch to quickly steal his place. She took over the controls and the ship was back up to speed again. 'Thanks Ed, I'm starving.' He took the bowl out of Edward's hand and started spooning it in hungrily. 'So, were you thinking of me?' He asked between mouthfuls.

"W-What?" Edward looked at him with absurdity.

'For you to bring me some food; I was just saying it was nice of you to get me some.'

"Oh! No, Morpheus told me to, I wasn't really…yeah, it wasn't my idea."

'I see, well, at least someone cares.' Apoc shrugged. He scooped the last of it into his mouth and gave up the empty bowl and spoon to Edward's hand once again. He collapsed himself into the passenger seat and rubbed his stomach in appreciation.

"So this is what you do all day?" Edward asked, looking about the cock-pit with remote interest.

'That's right.' He smiled. 'While you're learning from the Matrix or being told off by Morpheus, while Neo and Trinity are making googly-eyes at each other and while Morpheus and Tank or Dozer are working on Roy and/or telling you off, Switch and I are driving this big bucket of steel through the worm holes. We take shifts.'

"I see." He discarded the bowl to one side and looked out through the window between Apoc and Switch's seat. "So, would you let me have a go at-."

'I know what you're going to ask, and no. Absolutely not; you broke the Neb enough when the machines attacked, so do you really think I would trust you not to drive us into a dirt wall? Besides, the Neb is my baby.' He smiled, stroking the dashboard in an off-handed gesture.

'I thought _I _was your baby?' Switch pouted from her seat.

'Oh, well of course you are.' He reached over and crooned it in her ear. He kissed her cheek, and she giggled warmly.

"I guess I'll leave you guys to it then." He murmured awkwardly.

'What?' Apoc asked, turning back to him.

"You know what; I'm just going to-." He motioned for the door. "Yeah. Keep up the good work." He stepped out of the cock-pit.

"_So, Switch doesn't like football after all." _He mused in his language. "_At least we have something in common." _

Apoc stroked her hair, smiling to himself; he nuzzled his lips in her neck.

'You know.' Switch mouthed through a gasp, 'If you don't want me to crash _our _baby, I think you'd better stop doing that.'

'I thought it was _my_ baby.' Apoc grinned bemusedly, resuming his proper posture in his seat.

'No, _our _baby.' She stared at him pointedly.

Apoc nodded in agreement, as if it would be absurd to argue with her. 'Yes, of course it is.'

She looked back and made a sharp left turn down another tunnel.

'You know, honey,' Apoc sounded precariously; 'you really should slow down on those turns.' His hand reached to slow down the ship's speed, but she slapped his hand away.

'Don't interfere; I know how to drive it!' She growled. 'When it's _your _shift, _you_ can drive the Neb how _you _want.'

Apoc sighed and kissed her cheek again, 'I love you, honey.'

Author's note: Here's to the unsung heroes! Anyway, this one came about because it seemed right to explain what Apoc and Switch _actually _do when they're not featured in the chapters. They drive the Nebuchadnezzar when needed; normally you would think that's the operators' job, but since Morpheus had been having Tank research the Beta-Matrix, Dozer had been there to fill in for him when Tank gets the chance to sleep or eat, or stuff like that. I imagine the brothers work together in shift, that's why you'll sometimes see Tank at the monitor, and other times Dozer, they too get shifts.

I suppose we shouldn't really be surprised at the apparent relationship between Switch and Apoc, even though it wasn't explicitly shown in The Matrix film, it was hinted at when before Switch died when she said, "Not like this…", so that's good enough for me. I suppose they can be less discreet than Neo and Trinity, but whether the relationship is sexual or not is of no real importance to the story

I suppose this omake really did need prior knowledge of The Clier Path concept before reading this. Oh, and for those who have read The Clier Path before I created this archive, the omakes that were at the bottom of the chapters have been taken out of the chapters (the resultant chapters have then been replaced, I'm doing this all simultaneously while I publish chapters, so even though these are being re-published, there aren't any repeats on the internet. I'm also deleting the author's notes that concern them in the proper chapters of The Clier Path, so if you're wondering why they might seem haphazard, or they suddenly go off topic, then that's the reason.

Hope you enjoyed!

Ophelia Davis.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's note: Please read Chapter 12 of The Clier Path before reading this! Warning, does contain strong language!

'I know you'll probably want to look through our information, but as long as that's all you're doing.' Mouse smiled.

"That's fine. I'll be too busy studying to even think about anything else." Edward grinned, happy that he'd gained his access code.

'Good, but you're not going to _change _any of it, are you?' Mouse's eyebrows rose suspiciously.

"Change any of it? Why would I?" he asked.

'Well, you seem to look like the kind of guy who'll trick people with false information.' Mouse replied, 'It's exactly the kind of thing idiots will do on Wikipedia these days.' Mouse sighed.

"Wikipedia? What's that?" Edward asked.

'Wikipedia was a website launched not too long ago by Jimmy Wales and Larry Sanger as a frequently updated news resource, but after a couple of years things got out of hand. Because access to a Wikipedia account and editorship is free, it's often that you get stupid little bastards on the site vandalising and damaging its once glowing reputation for accuracy. Honestly, if I were you, I wouldn't get yourself sucked into it. Knowing you, you'd be on there all night trying rectifying every mistake you could.' Mouse laughed.

"I doubt I'll get sucked into it. I don't even know how to get onto the internet." Edward shrugged.

'Really? You don't?' Mouse asked surprised, 'Want me to show you?'

"Erm…if you want-."

'Great! I'll show you now.' He shifted Edward out of the way and took hold of the mouse. 'Ok, you see that blue E on the desktop?'

"You mean the little E?"

'That's the one. Well, you click it twice and it'll come up with Google home page.'

"Google?"

'A search engine.' Mouse explained.

"Oh! Just like me!"

'Yes, yes, only 10 times smarter.'

"Very funny." Edward crossed his arms.

'Well, you simply type in what you're searching for, and Google gives you hundreds of suggestions.' Mouse brought up the white site before Edward's eyes. 'Let's say you wanted to search up… actually, what _would _you like to search for?'

"Let's see what your world thinks of alchemy."

'Ok, al… che… my.' Mouse mouthed as he typed them out onto the screen. Then, a long list of suggestions popped up onto the screen, titled by deep blue font.

"Oh, hey, Wikipedia!" Edward tapped on the second to top suggestion, ignoring the offer to play alchemy online.

'Ok, Wikipedia says that….' Mouse began to read aloud, 'Alchemy, originally derived from the Ancient Greek word _khemia _meaning "art of transmuting metals",'

"As if it was derived from Ancient Greek," Edward spat, "It came from the east!"

Mouse began to read again, disregarding Edward's comment, 'later arabicized as the Arabic word _al-kimia, _is both a philosophy and an ancient practice focused on the attempt to change base metals into gold,'

"Whoever wrote this was narrow-minded. Alchemy is not just about turning base metals into gold, and neither is it just a philosophy. Besides, it's forbidden to make gold."

'How come?'

"It sends the economy out of whack. If someone were to create lots of gold, then the value of the currency would be demeaned until it would cost someone, in your case, $2000 just for a loaf of bread. Not to mention prices would be changing non-stop."

'Can I carry on?' Mouse looked at him pointedly.

"What? _You _wanted to know!"

'Well, now I don't.' Mouse sighed, scratching his head.

"You just don't like to think too hard." Edward smirked.

'_Anyway, _ …to change metals into gold, investigating the preparation of the "elixir of longevity", and achieving ultimate wisdom, involving the improvement of the alchemist as well as the making of several substances described as possessing unusual properties.' Mouse finished, 'What do you think it means by the "elixir of longevity"?'

"Probably the Philosopher's stone, not that the person who wrote this article or any of the alchemists studying in your Matrix actually succeeded."

'Actually…' Mouse scrolled down the page until the name in blue jumped out at him, 'Nicholas Flamel is said to be the only who did it.' An article on Nicholas Flamel appeared before him and Edward grabbed madly at the mouse.

"Let me see that!" Edward scrolled down and read the article with a sense of madness in his eyes.

'Well?'

"Could be fictional, but there's no evidence to say he didn't, apart from that he died in 1418." Edward sighed.

'I'll just leave you to it then, shall I?'

"Sure." Edward waved him away.

'Good night.' Mouse left the top deck and the teenager busy with his studies.

Early that morning, Dozer crept up the ladder to find him at the computer, tapping away weakly, and dropping like a wilted plant. He placed a hand on his shoulder and Edward turned up to him, his eyes drooped with black circles around them.

'You look awful there, little man. What you been doing all night?'

"…Me... Clearing away… wrong information. Damn… kids… changed everything… the information… all wrong." He gave a great yawn, "Hydrogen lighter… than Helium… Prickonium… doesn't exist… neither chemist… Richard Prick."

'You got sucked into it, didn't you?' Dozer sighed.

"It was for… the greater good." Edward moaned.

'Did you find anything that was correct?'

"Y-Yeah… Paracelsus… arrogant bastard."

Author's note: For those who pay attention, this omake does have a fault attached: Wikipedia was created in 2001, whereas in the Matrix (Earth time), the year is 1999, which is why I had Mouse say not too long ago. I know Edward calls Paracelsus an arrogant bastard, but that is probably due to sleep deprivation, so that's before you jump on my back about how unfair it is to make that estimation of him. But he is infamous for being arrogant, seen in his own description of how his intellect measures up to others and of course in his big-ass name. You can read the Wikipedia article yourself and then tell me if you agree or not. If you were offended by this, that I'm not sure why; he has been dead for a few centuries now, easily. Anyway, whether Edward actually remembers Paracelsus' full name will be dependent on how bad his sleep deprivation is, and I doubt it'll have any effect on later plot points and chapters, so I guess that point is irrelevant anyway.

I'll stop here anyway, as this is probably one of the longer omakes I've written, but there will be more!

Hope you enjoyed!

Ophelia Davis


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: Please read Chapter 16 of The Clier Path before reading this! Warning for strong language and sexual innuendo!

He knocked on the door, and called out to him, _"I'm coming in!" _he waited for the response he needed, something that would tell him he wasn't intruding on some kind of disgusting charade. But only silence followed. Sighing heavily, he turned the knob and entered with a slow cautiousness; the bowl and spoon balanced in hand.

He expected, or rather, hoped to see Roy's face a warm colour; something that portrayed the workings of recovery, but instead his skin was sallow. He hardly paid him any attention; his eyes hardly flickered towards his direction. They stayed fixed into that corner of the room, constantly averted, and concentrated. Nothing else mattered.

Bracing himself, he gave a heavy sigh and made to sit down in a chair beside him, removing the full dish that had been left over and placing it beneath him on the floor.

_"Roy? I've brought you some breakfast." _He smiled hopefully, but he was without a response. _"Are you hungry?" _his gaze remained unbroken. He held the dish out to him, waving it in front of his face. _"Don't you want it?" _Edward asked, but this was hardly the distraction it was made out to be. Only something far greater could hope to break his concentration.

Edward scowled, mixing the head of the spoon in the mixture and pulling out a dollop of it onto the spoon. _"Well, if you won't take it, then I'll have to feed it to you myself, like one of your bar girls. You'd like that, wouldn't you?" _His cheeks began to colour, and he held the spoon out for him to swallow the portion that was being offered. _"I bet you'd eat something if I was a bar girl, or do they have to get naked before you eat from their spoons?" _He smirked as Roy's eyes widened marginally.

He thought for a moment, and blushed up more himself, _"what about if I was naked? Would you eat then?" _Roy's cheeks began to redden, adding warmth to his pale look. A reaction, an opportunity, that's all he needed.

His face reddened with embarrassment, knowing now what needed to be said as the plan began to form in his mind.

_"If you want," _he began, _"I could… take these itchy clothes off for you, lay myself on your bed and get all comfy. And then, I could spread this entire bland ration over my body, and let you lick it off me, as slow and as long as you please. A salty breakfast, more taste, and extra sweet, what do you say?" _

He watched as Roy began to blush, its flush redness spreading across his face like an ink stain of lust. His mouth fell open, gaping, and he turned slowly to face this opportunity with a mortified look of disbelief.

He quickly shoved the spoon of ration in his mouth, and he closed his mouth around it reluctantly.

_"You really are a whore aren't you?" _Edward laughed cheerily. _"Now, that wasn't so bad, how about having some more, hm? Unless you'd rather I got naked now-?" _Roy quickly snatched the bowl from Edward's hands, hugged it to his chest, and began to spoon the glop warily with protective actions and a cautious glare. Despite the offense that could be taken, he smiled warmly to himself; at least Roy was eating something.

Author's note: I could've used this in place of the actual section in Chapter 16, but it would've undermined Chapter 17, so it wasn't worth leaving in; Edward didn't use this tactic anyway because he's not perverted, and to say what he does would harm a possible relationship with Roy later on. This comes from Chapter 13 where Mouse dubs him a whore from now on, and wasn't I right? Then again, pervert would've been more apt, but take it as you will.

This one came to mind while I was writing the section where Edward tried to get Roy to eat something (as if the plane ploy wasn't omake material enough!). But anyway, I hope you enjoyed this!

Ophelia Davis


	8. Chapter 8

Author's note: Please read Chapter 19 of The Clier Path before reading this! Warning, may contain strong language and sexual innuendo!

He knocked at the door, dun duh-duh dun, before sidling through. Shutting it behind him, he collapsed onto the bed; the suitcase bounced a little, but retained its place. She rolled her eyes at him as she freed a handgun from its slot in another case.

She quickly pointed the gun at him, and he froze immediately.

'Signal.' She growled, eyes narrowed.

'Right,' he nodded. He raised his left hand, and with its back facing, tucked in his thumb.

She lowered her gun quickly, and looked back down at the boxes, as if nothing happened. 'What's the situation?' her voice asked, monotonous, her eyes were still trained on her work as he collapsed onto the bed behind her.

'Rooms 283 _and _285 are empty.' He answered wearily, 'It doesn't look like anyone's been in except that I found the keys to their rooms as soon as I walked in.'

'I'll let Morpheus know when I'm done with this then.' She nodded.

He dragged himself up to the pillows and stretched himself out. Bending a foot towards him, he worked a shoe off, threw it towards the wall opposite, frowned when it landed against a handgun and knocked it out of place. He threw off the other one, and chucked it, this time to the side of him.

'Laura, honey?' he whined, 'could you pass me a glass of water?'

She turned in her cross-legged position, smiled, almost sweetly, _almost, _'no, but I can pass you a bullet. Mind if I shoot it at you?'

'Sorry,' he sighed.

'That's alright.' She turned back to her work.

He crossed his arms behind his head, letting out a long breath, 'you know,' a grin suddenly came to his face, and 'we are on our _honeymoon_.'

She took out a box of ammunitions, and then paused for thought, 'hm, you're right.' She looked up to the ceiling, combed her fingers through her short blonde hair, 'we'd better make our stay believable.' She placed the box to one side before taking out another, 'you'd better start rocking the bed and banging the wall or something.' She shrugged.

He pulled a face, 'but I thought we could-.'

'I know what you thought, but we're on a mission. We've got to focus.' She turned round to him, 'right now, we've got to fake it to make it.' she smirked.

He rolled his eyes, but his face softened for her, 'I can't argue with that logic.' He smiled before propping himself up against the headboard. He flattened his hands against the wall and started smacking it, rocking his body so that the headboard slapped.

'And moan a little, for god's sake.' She called over her shoulder.

Author's note: This omake is a little different from the others because it is actually canon material; it's something that I'd always wanted to include in this chapter anyway once I'd gotten to this plot point, but it seemed too funny to go in the actual omake, and too good to get rid of. I'm actually a little dubious about whether I should delete it from Chapter 19 now that it's on here, but I think it's only right that I should. seems to have a little stigma about publishing things twice on their site, so it would only be right to delete it.

I guess the only reason this was turned into an omake anyway was because I didn't want to think of it as a chore when trying to complete the chapter. Doing an omake seemed to put me in a better mind set, so to speak.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this!

Ophelia Davis


	9. Chapter 9

Author's note: Please read Chapter 20 of The Clier Path before reading this! Warning, this may contain strong language!

'Knock knock!' Sparks grinned as he stepped on through to the kitchen, but as he caught sight of Alphonse's hunched form, it faded a little. Alphonse was leaning over a bowl of glop, slowly stirring the head of the spoon around in the lumpy mixture, staring into it with a downcast gaze.

As he heard the footsteps, he glanced up towards him, gave him a straight lipped look and stared down into the cream-coloured swirls he was making once again.

'Hey Reggie,' Sparks smiled as he sat down beside him, but all he got was a mumbled greeting in response. Sparks' own smile fell, and he looked at him oddly, 'why the long face?'

Alphonse gave a heavy sigh before letting his spoon drop into the glop, and slowly the head of it sank towards the bottom of the bowl, "it's nothing, really." And he forced a small smile to surface.

'Sure it isn't,' Sparks smirked, 'what's up, are you homesick?'

His eyes narrowed a little on the thought, before shaking his head, "No, well, I am a little, but it's not that."

'Do you miss your family? Your mom, dad, brothers or sisters?'

"Well, not necessarily," he frowned, and started fiddling with the spoon handle, "but that's not the problem."

'Then what's the problem?' Sparks grinned, giving Alphonse's arm a gentle punch, 'if you're not home or family sick, then what is there to worry about?'

He suddenly dropped the spoon, let it fall, sink and drown entirely in the glop, "I've had no screen time at all! My stupid big brother's been taking it!"

Sparks flinched away from him, surprised, 'r-really? That's what you're worried about…?'

"Don't be absurd!" Alphonse scowled, "of course I am! I was used to it before! I mean, Edward was the focus! He was the title character! But at least I was right there with him! I could take it then! But now? We're apart! So who has to give away their time? Good old reliable Alphonse! _He _won't mind!" he breathed quickly, heavily.

'Hey, come on now!' Sparks laughed awkwardly, fanning the enraged teenager, 'it's not that bad! You are still a character after all; someone will take notice of you.'

"But when? When will that be?" he crowed, "I'm so stupid! How could I have been so naïve to think that getting my body back would instantaneously result in more screen time? Of course that's not enough!"

'You know, if it's because you're bored, we could always play some games.' Sparks suggested, 'how about a game of spot the tune! That was great fun last time, right?'

"Of course it wasn't! The only tunes you put on were modern 22nd Century crap! I mean, how am I supposed to know any of it? I've been listening to classical music for the majority of my life!"

'That's true.' Sparks admitted, 'you were born in 1900 after all.'

"You know what, it doesn't matter!" he shot up to his feet, "I don't know why I told you! I should've known that you of all people wouldn't understand!" he climbed over the seat and strolled for the door, "if anyone wants me, I'll be in my room!" he screamed before slamming the door.

Then, the door opened again, to reveal a confused Ghost.

'What the hell was that about?' he asked, staring towards the door he had come from.

He wiped a fake tear from his eyes, 'they grow up so fast.' Sparks sniffed.

Author's note: In reality, I doubt Alphonse would get so worked up over something as trivial as screen-time, but it is fun to think of what he would be like if he did get upset over something like this. But if we were to think of Fullmetal alchemist as a live-action series and Edward and Alphonse were a part of the cast, then I'm pretty sure Alphonse wouldn't mind the overall lack of screen-time as, in many instances, Edward and Alphonse share it anyway and when they're apart, Alphonse gets some of his own focus as well.

Through all of the chapters it seems, ever since Chapter 12, Alphonse has hardly been mentioned at all; actually, I'm lying. He's not appeared at all for a while now. It seems unfair as, ever since then, we've heard a lot from Havoc in Chapter 15, we've been keeping a narrow eye on Trinity, and we've been following Link since Chapter 13 before following the Osiris, Father got his own section in Chapter 17 and Roy got a whole chapter to himself in Chapter 18! Alphonse though hasn't had anything.

In my defence though, Alphonse hasn't done anything spectacular since I have to take into account (thanks to helpful reviews) that Red pills/Zionites aren't allowed to serve a ship until they're 18 years old. Edward is an exception though because he's the One of the Beta-Matrix, and it seems that with him all good moral rules are thrown out of the window. Mouse is not exception to anything, because I imagine that he's as young as 19; he looks that age in The Matrix. I think I made a mistake on his age earlier in the chapters, but let it be known that he is in fact 19, and I won't hear any buts about it, not even from myself.

Even though Alphonse _is _on a ship (which could be argued as serving it), he's not actually on any missions, so you could deem him a useless liability in the eyes of Captain Niobe. He hasn't had any plot to forward so far, so why have I kept him alive since Chapter 6? It's very important! I think I will have to dedicate a whole section to him later on, but I will work something out none the less. But for now, he's just got an omake.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed that, and sorry if it wasn't very funny.

Ophelia Davis


	10. Chapter 10

Author's note: Please read Chapter 20 of The Clier Path before reading this! Warning, this contains strong language, and may contain content that can be perceived as sexual innuendo.

Edward held the plastic card in hand, and clicked the mouse with the other. The card itself was a green affair with white dots, slowly getting bigger as they radiated from their left, translucent icon, in its centre a six inch subway, or so the phrase went. His eyes went back to the monitor screen, and he clicked on the blue e icon. Turning the card over in his hand, he squinted his eyes through the small text.

"Hey Ed." A deep voice called, and he turned around to find Roy coming up behind him. He couldn't help but grin, "What you got there?" Roy asked.

"Oh, right," he quickly looked down at the card, before grinning back up at him, "my subcard."

"…subcard…?" Roy looked at him puzzled, before taking a seat in a wheelie chair beside him. "What is it?"

"It's a card that you apparently scan when you buy sandwiches from subway." He started to explain, "Apparently it puts points on your card for later use."

"What exactly would you need the points for?" Roy asked.

"Well, if you collect enough points, you can get free stuff on your next purchase, like a six inch sub, a foot long sub, or a drink!" he turned back to the monitor, and started typing the address in the top row.

"And where did you get this?" Roy asked, a little confused.

"I sort of picked it up on our last mission. I wanted to grab a bite to eat, and they offered me a card after I bought a sub from them." He smiled, pleased with his own discovery, "It was a little difficult at first, I mean they were asking me all these stupid questions like, 'do you want ham, do you want cheese, would you like it toasted' but it was worth it in the end." He grinned, his eyes went half-mast.

"Wait, in the Matrix? Then how did you get it out-!"

"That's not important!" Edward scowled impatiently, "what's important is that I can get free foot longs!" he grinned. "Now, where is it…" he muttered.

"Isn't that it?" Roy pointed to the green box, inside was a picture of the card, a cell phone, and the words, _Register or log in._

"Yes!" Edward cried, and he clicked on the box in his excitement. "Another page opened up!" at the top, bold letters stood out, _SUBCARD, IT'S A NO BRAINER._

"This should be easy for you then." Roy chuckled.

"Exactly, free foot longs, here I come!" he grinned, but his smile faded, "'Enter your card number and password'…? Where do I get those…?" in his growing disappointment, Roy took the card from Edward's hand and pointed to the numbers at the bottom.

"Edward? Might this be a clue?" he smirked.

Edward turned quickly to read them, and then to read the diagram on the page. He scowled straight at him then, "yeah yeah, just read the numbers out for me while I type them in, ok?"

"Fine," Roy sighed, "6338," he started, and Edward typed madly, "4501, 1491, 7484. Did you get all that?" he asked finally.

"Yep!" Edward chirped, "Now what's the password?"

"3870."

"And submit!" he clicked the button, but was deadpanned again as the page turned green. "What? Close? Why does it want me to close, am I already done?" his face seemed to pale in the light.

"Edward," Roy groaned, "read the top bit first." He pointed to the text above the button; _please register your card now by filling in the following form._

"So, what? I press close?" Edward stared up at him.

"Well it looks that way." Roy frowned.

"Fine, but if this goes wrong, you're dead!"

"Fine by me." Roy sighed.

Edward pressed the button, and the screen suddenly turned white, a green circle swirled in the corner, "oh come on." Edward groaned, "Why does it always take long to load _anything_?"

"Geez, just be patient, ok? It should work soon." Roy eased.

The page then became a bordered yellow and blank boxes appeared, again the bold words were above, _SUBCARD. IT'S A NO BRAINER._

"It must've seen you coming." Roy chuckled again.

"Shut it." Edward scowled, "at least now I can register." His eyes scanned along the page, before grinning, "Look, apparently I'm cardholder 6338450114917484. Finally an internet page that knows how to show some respect!" he folded his arms, satisfied.

"If it knew how to show you _any _respect, it would've referred to you by name, not by number." Roy frowned.

"Well… it doesn't know me yet!" Edward growled defiantly.

Another pair of footsteps arrived, and Neo came and stood behind them.

'What's Ed doing?' Neo smiled down at Roy.

"He's trying to register this card thing," Roy scowled, "thinks he can find pleasure in a mountain of free foot longs, or something like that."

Neo snorted a laugh, 'don't tell me you got a card from Ann Summers.'

"Ann who?" Edward frowned.

Neo and Roy stared at each other blankly, before glaring back at Roy, 'it's not important.' He coughed.

"You need to register you details," Roy pointed to the monitor, changing the subject.

"Ok, title…" Edward pressed on an arrow, "obviously Mr," he snorted.

'You kept that quiet.' Neo smirked.

"Shut it." He growled. "Ok, first name… Edward. Last name… Elric." He smiled as he typed in the information, but it faded. "What do I do for the address?" he asked, looking up at Neo.

'Well,' he thought for a moment, 'I would just put Nebuchadnezzar on the first line, Zion for city, USA for the country…'

"And the zip code?" Edward asked, his fingers hovering over the keys.

'…10261, I think.' Neo frowned a little.

"Well whatever, the bluepills will understand." Edward sighed as he typed it in. "Erm… I think I'll miss out mobile phone and e-mail."

"Might as well." Roy nodded, "it's not like you have one."

"Ok, Gender… Male, again obvious."

'Again, really?' Neo smirked.

"Look, if you're going to keep commenting, then you can fuck off." Edward scowled.

'Geez, sorry.' Neo backed off a little.

"That's better. Now, date of birth…" he tongue stuck out in concentration, he pressed on the number and month with each arrow he pressed. "And now for the year!" he grinned. He pressed the arrow, and his mouth immediately gaped, "oh _hell _no!"

Roy's lips twisted into a smirk, and Neo couldn't help but let out a laugh.

"It's not funny!" he screamed.

"Of course it isn't," Roy cooed, "but it's still funny."

"What's up with this thing?" Edward growled, glaring round at Neo.

'Just about everyone who will get a card will have been born in the 20th century!' Neo laughed, 'all the 19th century people will be dead!'

"That's still no excuse for them to miss out 1899!" Edward growled.

'Think about it. You're the One of the Beta-Matrix, right?'

"Duh, well done." Edward scowled.

'Well, the Matrix was constructed a hundred years ago, in 1899, as was probably yours, and since you were born in that year, you seemed to have been recognized as the One. So, I guess the trade-off for being so important, is that you've got to miss out on free subways.' Neo shrugged.

"So, hold on a second." Edward frowned, "I have to trade in free foot longs for being the saviour of all humanity instead? What a cheap deal! Fuck this; I'd rather take the foot longs!"

'I'm sorry, Ed. But it can either be one or the other, and your lot is humanity.' Neo sighed, smiling.

"Then how come _you _can get free foot longs _as well_, _huh?"_

'Some of us are just born lucky.' Neo grinned.

"I'm gonna born you a foot up your ass in a second!" he screamed and jumped from his seat, only to be pulled back by Roy. "Let go of me!"

"Calm down!" he grabbed a hold of Edward's chin, and brought him round to face him, "Look, on our next mission, I'll buy you a foot long from subway, how does that sound?"

Edward stared at him, wide-eyed, his cheeks blushed up and he relented from his path of destruction, "I guess, I mean, if you really want to…"

"Sure," Roy smiled, "It's not like I can get a subcard either, and you don't need a subcard to get something to eat. Sure it might cost you more, but is it _really _worth it?" Edward stared into his eyes then, before letting a soft smile grace his lips.

"Thanks Roy."

-/\*_;)(-

As he clicked submit, Alphonse held his card in hand with a malevolent grin on his face.

"That'll teach Brother to steal all of my screen time!"

Author's note: I came up with this one when I was registering my own subcard, when I saw that someone's birth year could only be registered as far as 1900, I thought it would be funny to take the mick out of Edward based on it. I can imagine him getting upset over it. Now, this last bit at the end is here because it ties into the omake in Chapter 9. This chapter and the previous one were originally featured together at the end of Chapter 20, so I decided it would be better to split them up then have them together. It made more sense that way, and with 10 being such a round and even number, it worked out better this way.

The sad thing about this is that, if I _ever _wanted to register a subcard in Edward's name, then I'd be buggered if I wanted to do it accurate, not that I _would_. If I wanted to do it legitimately, then I'd have to register his date of birth as 1999, or something like that.

This omake isn't exactly accurate in pertaining to the Matrix concept, for one thing, I doubt Edward would be able to get a piece of card out of the Matrix and into his hand in the Real world. That's why Mouse had to read the paper from the registry book in the Construct. I sort of guessed at what to do when it came to the address, but I did look up the zip code for New York (a lot of the adventures seem to be based there when they jack in, at least in the films anyway). Given that I'm from the UK, I don't know how American Zip codes work; I guess they work in the same way post codes do in the UK, except that Zip codes pertain to the city itself, while post codes are more accurate and pertain to a road, I think anyway; again, I'm guessing here.

I don't know Edward's birthday though; like everyone else who's read the manga, I do know it's in the winter months, but since this is coming from a Hokkaido-born author, winter lasts for 6 months of the year, so it could be anytime. I always imagine it's in January/February time, and some have dubbed the birthday as February 3rd, for whatever reason. I know though that The Clier Path so far is in the summer months hence, whenever Edward's age is mentioned, he's 16; his birthday has already been and gone, even before Chapter 1.

I'll apologize now though for being rubbish at depicting 1999; I was only 5 at the time, so as far as technological advancements then were concerned, I don't have a clue. Sorry if this irks some of you, but I'm trying my best here, and I'm sure you enjoy the story and these omakes anyway.

I hope you enjoyed this!

Ophelia Davis


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